I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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