I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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