She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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