well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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