You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
