Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
