She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
