i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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