I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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