I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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