the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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