she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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