I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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