why didn't you poke me back
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
