You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
