No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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