So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
