I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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