I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
