wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Randomize
