@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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