If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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