Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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