Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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