This dress was meant to end up on your floor
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
