pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I want to make a zoo with you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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