I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
