Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
