Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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