I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
North Korea, Best Korea!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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