I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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