Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
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