"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
