My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
