How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is the high leading the old right now
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
