What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
