I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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