Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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