my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
