did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
