East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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