I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
