My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
