It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
