you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
