He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
