yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
