I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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