Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
