ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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