my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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