My friends, they love my intelligence
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
